A different approach to handling disagreements

1. Take a deep look at your perceptions, you may find that you have got it wrong.

2. Then take a deep look at the other person and reflect upon how you are seeing that person.  Are you seeing things clearly?  To what extent are they a victim of your wrong perceptions?

3. Be aware of any tendency you have to pull away from the other person or the situation…or of trying to cover up your feelings.

4. Listen to yourself, take the time you need to be heard and to be understood by yourself.  If you cannot listen to yourself how are you going to be able to listen to other people?

5. Accept things just the way they are, this will help you to remain calm.

6. Forget about trying to impose your views on others, focus your attnyion on looking and listening deeply to the other person.

7. Focus your efforts on finding peace and happiness in that moment…it is the only moment you have.

 

 

 

6 Tips for dealing with difficult conversations at work

There was a time when I was having great difficulty communicating with one of the people I worked with and as a result there were a number of difficult conversations with people who in my opinion were being either deliberately obstructive or at the very least indifferent to an issue I felt strongly about.

I was at a loss to know how best to get my message across and as a result communication became more stressful, less satisfying and less effective.  I dealt with the problem by focusing my attention on the content of what I wanted to say as a way of trying to ensure that I was understood. It didn’t work!!

Since then I have learned a lot about how to handle difficult conversations in the workplace.   Here are some of the lessons I have learned along the way:

1. Before you speak to anyone spend time reflecting upon how you are feeling as this will enable you to express you feelings more accurately.

2. Taking time to reflect will also help you to identify more options available to you. It is very eary to think in terms of “me” versus “them” but I have found there are often other options available if you take the time to think things through.

3. Developing a greater awareness of how you communicate provides you with an opportunity to identify any unhelpful habits. For example you can identify under what circumstances you would react agressively or passively and then take the necessary steps to avoid this happening.

4. Be flexible, avoid being locked into rigid ways of thinking. You need to be aware of your thoughts, feelings and what you are saying whilst at the same time being aware of the situation as a whole.  This is all about being flexible enough to focus on key issues whiclt at the same time seeing the big picture.

5. Be awake to the possibility of different ways of looking at an issue, listen to what the other person wants and how they see things without reacting or resisting.  It is all about having an open mind.

6. Always act with integrity and balance.  In my experience this is often easier said than done. It requires that you meet each moment with calmness and acceptance. This is definitely where mindfulness helps!

Dealing with difficult conversations is all about choosing to respond rather than react to the other person or situation and this involves taking responsibility for your contribition i.e. your perceptions, thoughts, feelings and behaviour.