Finding real happines

What makes you really happy?

What do you want out of life?

Does what you have not satisfy you and therefore you want more?

Do you feel you are in competition with others to reach the top?

Do you strive to maintain your grasp on things like power and status, afraid of what might happen if you lost them? And is this preventing you from enjoying life to the full?

What are the consequences of your striving to achieve or obtain more? Are you feeling increasingly stressed?

True happiness is not possible unless you have inner peace.   Inner peace requires your to take the time to sit and look deeply at what you are doing.  Without this awareness and understanding you will be unable to identify and meet your  real needs.   Real happiness requires understanding, love and compassion for yourself and others.

Happiness also depends on your having the ability to handle painful feeelings.  Handling painful feelings requires you to stop running away from or difficulties with constant activity or consumption.

Finding real  happiness is not a selfish act because once you have found real happiness you will be better able to relate to other people and their suffering, to put yourself in theor position.  Once you do this you will then have a better idea of what you need to do to help them.

How helpful are your thoughts?

Do you sometimes have to deal with emotions like anger, frustration, shame, guilt and anxiety? What are the causes of these emotions? Many of your emotions are underpinned by beliefs that are negative or irrational (or both). You can probably recognise them most easily by looking for the thoughts that are prefaced by the word “should”. These negative beliefs we have about ourselves and the world we live in can lead to unhelpful emotions and to ways of behaving that undermine us.

Spend a few minutes thinking quietly about the ways in which your thinking leads to your distress. If you are anything like me you will come up with quite a list of unhelpful thought patterns. My list includes black and white thinking, assuming the worst, overgeneralising, focusing on the negatives, comparing myself unfavourably, predicting problems and mind reading. Quite a list.

However I have been able to develop healthier ways of thinking by creating the time and space I need to identify these unhelpful thought patterns that lead to difficult emotions. As a result I am able to identify thought that are unhelpful and to question their validity. But perhaps the best approach I have found is to monitor my thoughts at the time when these emotions are present, to identify the thoughts that have arisen, and to acknowledge them without making judgements. To jus let them go and to stay with the sensations in my body and by using my breath to anchor me to the here and now, rather than ruminating about the past or worrying about the future. And to recognise that thoughts are just thoughts and to focus on my direct experience.

7 Tips for being a great leader

1. I think you would agree that being a leader can be stressful.  I remember clearly a time when it involved long working hours, lack of sleep, and dealing with one crisis after another.

I now have a very different take on what I need to do to be a good leader which is more about emotional awareness and which involves:

1.  Making the time to see the bigger picture, to see people and situations from a a range of different perspectives

2. Thinking more creatively and being more creative in the ways I responded to other people and to the situations I encountered

3. Taking the time and effort to understand not only each individual but also the ways in which they interacted with others

4. Being honest with myself and others about my personal agendas and being willing to put them aside when necessary.

5. Being less judgemental, no longer as attached to my own views about how things “should” be

6. Making  sure that everything I do is a reflection of my values and I not being willing to compromise on this

7.  Trying to generate and maintain positive feelings towards everyone I worked with

I do not always succeed but I know that I am trying my best.  I also try to share my approach to leadership with others through training and mentoring.

 

The real cause of your stress

I lead a busy life with lots of demands for my time and attention…,family, work, studying .  Last week I noticed that I was feeling a bit stressed and started to look at what might be causing the stress.  True there were some difficult situations that I was trying to manage, and I could list a number of people that I found challenging but to my mind that was not the full picture.   So I sat with the effects of stress in order to gain a better awareness and understanding of what was happening.  I realised that the real cause of my stress was:

1. A mind that would not stop thinking and seeing those thoughts as my reality, rather than recognising they were just thoughts.

2. Making judgements about situations and people and then wanting to cling on to the bits I liked and push away those bits I did not like.

3. Seeing situations and people as problems that I needed to solve which reinforced the gap between what was happening and what I wanted to happen.

4. A tendency to dredge up past regrets or to worry about the future.

5. Not being able to switch off my body’s response to pressures and challenges.

Once I saw the real cause of my stress I knew where I needed to focus my attention if I was to be able to manage the stress.  Next time you feel stressed you might want to try stopping and allowing yourself to experience what is happening to you there and then.

7 Strategies for Preventing Retirement Stress

Retirement can be just as stressful as any other period in your life, in fact the effects of some of the pressures and challenges you are facing can intensify.  There are many problems inherent in retirement and old age that can cause stress and retirement requires a readjustment of your lifestyle that can also be stressful. Money worries, health problems, boredom, relationship problems, lonliness and caring for other family members, whether its grandchildren or elderly parents, are just come of the potential sources of stress that the people who attend my workshops talk about.

So what can you do about it?

1. Think about and plan for your retirement

2. Stay healthy.  Existing health issues become more frequent as you get older so it is important that you work at preventing problems. Protect your joints, eat a healthy diet, stop smoking and avoid consuming excess sugar, caffience and alcohol.

3. Maintain a social support network. Make the effort to make new friends, keep in touch will family members and join in community activities, becoming involved in the lives of others is good for you and it relieves stress.

4. Keep your finances in order. This means facing reality and learning to live within a budget. You may find living more simpley will reduce stress levels.

5. Spend time on developing your inner self.

6. Develop a daily routine.  Many people are surprised to find that they are busier than when you were working so a routine can prevent the stress of constant activity and will allow you to say no to demands that cause you anxiety.  A routine will also ease the stress of not knowing what comes next.

7. Adopt a more mindful approach to life and take the time to enjoy the pleasures of retirement. Retirement is about living the life you have now…in each moment.  It is also about living it as if it truly mattered.