4 steps to developing patience when things get tough

You go along just trying to do your best and hoping that life will go according to plan. But in my experience life is not like that and more often than not it is harder than anticipated. Events, or more often than not somebody, undermines my efforts to live my life in a calm and relaxed way. And before I know it old habits like anger and impatience have surfaced.

So how do we avoid getting swayed so much by external circumstances?

I have found the following 4 approaches really helpful:

1. Avoiding retaliating with either words or actions so as not to reinforce existing negative habits or encourage further retaliation by others. Now each time I am “attacked” I see it as an opportunity to try out a different response and to see what impact it has.

2. When I feel angry or impatient I make a conscious effort to stop and connect with any more positive feelings I may have lurking around e.g. I may feel some empathy with the other person. At the same time I try hard not to provoke the situation and instead engage mindfully with my feelings and in doing so I develop a greater awareness and understanding of what is happening and why. In my experience things are rarely as cut and dried as I thought.

3. I also find it helpful to try to see negative situations and difficult people as opportunities to learn qualities like patience and how to manage anger. Actually without these sifficult situations and people I would not have the opportunity to learn these qualities. Having said that it is sometimes easier said than done! Situations and people are able to help us develop a greater self awareness and understanding. They also provide us with an opportunity to learn how to engage with rather than suppress our feelings and finally how to remain relaxed and patient rather than tense and uptight when things do not go our way.

4. It can also be helpful to look at things from a different perspective. Try looking at the the person who is experiencing the emotion/problem i.e. yourself, the emotion that has been created, and the focus of the emotion as if it is a dream with yourself as the leading player and in that way detaching yourself from the situation as you analyse what is happening. I have found this really helpful in enabling me to see things more objectively.

But don’t take my word for it, try them out yourself and see what happens.