Finding real happines

What makes you really happy?

What do you want out of life?

Does what you have not satisfy you and therefore you want more?

Do you feel you are in competition with others to reach the top?

Do you strive to maintain your grasp on things like power and status, afraid of what might happen if you lost them? And is this preventing you from enjoying life to the full?

What are the consequences of your striving to achieve or obtain more? Are you feeling increasingly stressed?

True happiness is not possible unless you have inner peace.   Inner peace requires your to take the time to sit and look deeply at what you are doing.  Without this awareness and understanding you will be unable to identify and meet your  real needs.   Real happiness requires understanding, love and compassion for yourself and others.

Happiness also depends on your having the ability to handle painful feeelings.  Handling painful feelings requires you to stop running away from or difficulties with constant activity or consumption.

Finding real  happiness is not a selfish act because once you have found real happiness you will be better able to relate to other people and their suffering, to put yourself in theor position.  Once you do this you will then have a better idea of what you need to do to help them.

How helpful are your thoughts?

Do you sometimes have to deal with emotions like anger, frustration, shame, guilt and anxiety? What are the causes of these emotions? Many of your emotions are underpinned by beliefs that are negative or irrational (or both). You can probably recognise them most easily by looking for the thoughts that are prefaced by the word “should”. These negative beliefs we have about ourselves and the world we live in can lead to unhelpful emotions and to ways of behaving that undermine us.

Spend a few minutes thinking quietly about the ways in which your thinking leads to your distress. If you are anything like me you will come up with quite a list of unhelpful thought patterns. My list includes black and white thinking, assuming the worst, overgeneralising, focusing on the negatives, comparing myself unfavourably, predicting problems and mind reading. Quite a list.

However I have been able to develop healthier ways of thinking by creating the time and space I need to identify these unhelpful thought patterns that lead to difficult emotions. As a result I am able to identify thought that are unhelpful and to question their validity. But perhaps the best approach I have found is to monitor my thoughts at the time when these emotions are present, to identify the thoughts that have arisen, and to acknowledge them without making judgements. To jus let them go and to stay with the sensations in my body and by using my breath to anchor me to the here and now, rather than ruminating about the past or worrying about the future. And to recognise that thoughts are just thoughts and to focus on my direct experience.

When things aren’t fair

In my opinion the focus in the workplace should not be solely on productivity and making a profit.  I think employers should also care about the personal welfare of their employees and that means paying attention to creating and maintaining a positive working environment.  By creating a more positive working environment employees have a better chance of maintaining feelings of calm and inner satisfaction at work.

 

There are lots of examples of unfairness in the workplace and trying to maintain peace of mind can be challenging.  You need to
challenge injustice whilst at the same time keeping calm and avoid getting frustrated, angry or feeling despair. Start by analysing the situation you find yourself in from different perspectives and in doing so try to reshape your attitude and outlook by seeing if your current response is helping or not.   Remember similar situations you have dealt with in the past and what impact did it have on your physical or mental well-being.  It will be helpful if you can respond with a positive approach. No situation is 100% good or bad and gaining a wider perspective will help.
Do not hang on to the feelings of being miserable, let go of any grudges and dissatisfaction and instead try to understand other people’s situation.  This does not mean that you should be passive, if necessary take appropriate action to resolve the problem.

Controlling Ambition

On a scale of 0 -10 how ambitious are you?

What role does ambition play in your life?

These are both questions I have been asking myself recently as a prelude to making some tough decisions about the direction in which my life will take me.

I have also been exploring my thoughts and feelings around ambition and how ambition affects my behaviour. There have defintely been times when ambition has dictated different aspects of my life, including my relationships with other people.

Ambition has defintely prevented me from enjoying life as I stressed about and planned the future.

I have goals in my life and  I know from experience that achieving these goals depends upon the condition and quality of my mind.  I now know that if my mind is calm and clear then I see things more clearly and I perform better.

I am also aware that I am not as ambitious now and that I am more content.  I know that in order for me to be happy I need faith in myself and what I am doing.  I need to work hard and to be able to  focus on what is important to me, I also need to be mindful in order to gain fresh insights.

But I am left wondering….Can you be ambitious and content?

 

7 stress management tips

Here are a seven simple techniques you can use to help you to manage stress.

• Stress often results in the build up of tension in the neck, shoulders and upper back. Take time out to consciously relax and drop your shoulders throughout the day.
• Stop what you are doing and breath in through your nose for a count of 7 and then out for a count of 12 several times.  Stopping “doing” and taking time to “be” will help you to develop a calmer and more peaceful mind.
• Demonstrate physical affection. Give somebody a hug or stroke and animal.
• After a stressful event drinking tea has been shown to lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol
• Being grateful and thankful for what you have will increase your levels of the “calm and connect” hormone oxytocin
• Listening to classical music has been shown to reduce the level of stress hormones.
• Spend time in the natural world, taking time to look at the trees and plants will increase your feelings of happiness and well-being