Finding real happines

What makes you really happy?

What do you want out of life?

Does what you have not satisfy you and therefore you want more?

Do you feel you are in competition with others to reach the top?

Do you strive to maintain your grasp on things like power and status, afraid of what might happen if you lost them? And is this preventing you from enjoying life to the full?

What are the consequences of your striving to achieve or obtain more? Are you feeling increasingly stressed?

True happiness is not possible unless you have inner peace.   Inner peace requires your to take the time to sit and look deeply at what you are doing.  Without this awareness and understanding you will be unable to identify and meet your  real needs.   Real happiness requires understanding, love and compassion for yourself and others.

Happiness also depends on your having the ability to handle painful feeelings.  Handling painful feelings requires you to stop running away from or difficulties with constant activity or consumption.

Finding real  happiness is not a selfish act because once you have found real happiness you will be better able to relate to other people and their suffering, to put yourself in theor position.  Once you do this you will then have a better idea of what you need to do to help them.

The real cause of your stress

I lead a busy life with lots of demands for my time and attention…,family, work, studying .  Last week I noticed that I was feeling a bit stressed and started to look at what might be causing the stress.  True there were some difficult situations that I was trying to manage, and I could list a number of people that I found challenging but to my mind that was not the full picture.   So I sat with the effects of stress in order to gain a better awareness and understanding of what was happening.  I realised that the real cause of my stress was:

1. A mind that would not stop thinking and seeing those thoughts as my reality, rather than recognising they were just thoughts.

2. Making judgements about situations and people and then wanting to cling on to the bits I liked and push away those bits I did not like.

3. Seeing situations and people as problems that I needed to solve which reinforced the gap between what was happening and what I wanted to happen.

4. A tendency to dredge up past regrets or to worry about the future.

5. Not being able to switch off my body’s response to pressures and challenges.

Once I saw the real cause of my stress I knew where I needed to focus my attention if I was to be able to manage the stress.  Next time you feel stressed you might want to try stopping and allowing yourself to experience what is happening to you there and then.

7 Strategies for Preventing Retirement Stress

Retirement can be just as stressful as any other period in your life, in fact the effects of some of the pressures and challenges you are facing can intensify.  There are many problems inherent in retirement and old age that can cause stress and retirement requires a readjustment of your lifestyle that can also be stressful. Money worries, health problems, boredom, relationship problems, lonliness and caring for other family members, whether its grandchildren or elderly parents, are just come of the potential sources of stress that the people who attend my workshops talk about.

So what can you do about it?

1. Think about and plan for your retirement

2. Stay healthy.  Existing health issues become more frequent as you get older so it is important that you work at preventing problems. Protect your joints, eat a healthy diet, stop smoking and avoid consuming excess sugar, caffience and alcohol.

3. Maintain a social support network. Make the effort to make new friends, keep in touch will family members and join in community activities, becoming involved in the lives of others is good for you and it relieves stress.

4. Keep your finances in order. This means facing reality and learning to live within a budget. You may find living more simpley will reduce stress levels.

5. Spend time on developing your inner self.

6. Develop a daily routine.  Many people are surprised to find that they are busier than when you were working so a routine can prevent the stress of constant activity and will allow you to say no to demands that cause you anxiety.  A routine will also ease the stress of not knowing what comes next.

7. Adopt a more mindful approach to life and take the time to enjoy the pleasures of retirement. Retirement is about living the life you have now…in each moment.  It is also about living it as if it truly mattered.

 

3 Steps to dealing with impatience

What tries your patience?  Is it the time it takes for your PC to “boot up”? Maybe it is waiting in a queue or perhaps being kept on hold when you make a phone call…or sitting in a traffic jam?

And what happens to you when you get impatient?

I know that when I get impatient I sometimes forget everything I have learned about not getting stressed.  I forget to breathe, the muscles in my neck and shoulders tense and I am not as couteous as I should be with the people around me.  This is because I have my own agenda and this involves sorting something out, getting something done or getting somewhere often within a self imposded deadline.  Yes there are defintely times when I find it hard to be mindful…and this is usually when I need it most.

So what can you do when these feelings or impatience arise?  How can we learn to appreciate who we are and what we have right now, rather than being impatient for things to be different?

The first step is to recognise your impatience for what it is and to be open to the feelings of irritation and discomfort.   There is a great deal of learning to be had from understanding the thoughts and feelings that arise when things do not go the way we want them to.

The next step is to learn to use these delays and setbacks as an opportunity for slowing down, for recognising and letting go of any anxiety, instead relaxing, fully alert and curious about what is happening in the present moment rather than stressing about how things “should” be.

The final step is to learn to appreciate the pace of everything we do…even when it is slower than we would like.

By adopting this approach we are able to develop a way of working more mindfully.  We are able to let go of the need to be in control of everything and to engage with the uncertain and messy nature of work.  We are also better able to balance the determination and effort we put into our work with a greater appreciation and respect for the way things are.